Well it's October and things have changed a bit since my last post.
I am having a relapse and this one sucks big time. My whole left side of my body has gone cold and numb...MS is so hard to discribe. It feels cold between my skin and my muscles..and it really hurts, sort of like the hot/cold stuff that you rub on sore muscles...only this feels cold. And it runs down the left side and across my back at the shoulders. I have been going through this since the end of September. I went on the major meds...3 days of intense drugs...I was like the energizer bunny...I didn't stop for 3 days...no sleep!! then the crash! I can sleep...that's all I want to do is sleep. I haven't been out of the house for 2 weeks. I have no energy and I just don't want to walk any where.
Today I walked down the block to where the mailbox used to be...to mail a letter...no mailbox...somebody took the dam thing away. So I thought about walking down to the Coop which is not that far...but just the thought of it made me stop, turn for home.
I wish people could understand the feeling...my legs feel like I have very heavy, very tight socks up to my knees and the weight of them make my legs hard to move and hurt my feet. My enemy is socks and shoes...I hate and I mean HATE socks and shoes. My legs and feet feel so much better in flipflops...which in winter is just not possible...I live in Canada for pete's sakes.
My GP doesn't want me to go back to work for a month...I am to rest...me...rest. Ok I can rest for just so long and then I want to do something. She has no idea about the guilt I have about not being at work...doing my share...looking after my 3 bosses. I just feel that I am letting everyone down...I am sitting at home.
I wish I could work at home, but that isn't possible...they won't let me do that...there has to be some way...I can type...I can research...why can't I just do it from my house...so I can work...at anytime...3am in the morning when I can't sleep, but I guess that just isn't possible where I work...I am needed at the office, which is the reason why I feel frustrated...I just can't go into the office, not right now anyway I just don't have the strength.
Today I am frustrated, pissed off and alittle depressed!! Today I really HATE MS!!!!!!!!!!
